FEATURE: On moving on from bullying by Ralph Guzman

Bullying victims can suffer from trauma and it takes time to heal. The abuse can take on one's ego and self-worth. Worst, it results to suicide and sometimes, murder.

How to stop bullying

Bullies can be everywhere. They can be inside your house, in your kids' school or classrooms. They can also be online - in the social media networks for the prime example.


Whether you or your kids were bullied in the early age or during teenage days, moving on is always a delicate thing. It takes a huge load of struggles and sacrifices to recover. The trauma may linger and it can destruct you from performing your daily life routine.

READ: High school bully apologizes via Facebook 20 years later

So, for this subject, we are hereby featuring, with proper consent, a Facebook post of Mr. Ralph Guzman who has been bullied way back in his fifth grade.

Although his experience still left some scars, Ralph realized over time that, "At the end of the day, we will be judged not just by our ability to ask forgiveness, but also for the ability to grant forgiveness."

Without further ado, here's his post in full:
Earlier tonight, I had dinner at a hole-in-the-wall, where I saw an ex-schoolmate who made my life considerably miserable when I was in the fifth grade. Yes, I was bullied way back. While I thought that not fighting back at the time was the Christian thing to do, I'd say that the experience still left some scars. And human as I am, I somehow wished, as part of my own revenge, that "divine justice" would just take its course.

I was taken aback by the unexpected encounter. Thing is, while I always thought that any encounter in this day and age would bring out my worst ill feelings, I was taken even more aback by the rush of serenity that came over me. It surprised me.

I just realized with certainty: I have forgiven and have moved on. While I didn't get the apology I always wanted or thought I deserved (not that I expected it from such characters -- though some of the other bullies actually apologized later on), I guess a big part of me now sees this as a blessing. At the end of the day, we will be judged not just by our ability to ask forgiveness, but also for the ability to grant forgiveness. And I realize that in forgiving, it's really yourself that you release from a prison of bitterness and not just the offender.

Equally, I look back at those dark moments and realize that while they are just now a footnote of the past. Scars are gone, and I've been so blessed. They have galvanized my principles and gave me more solid strength -- and the opportunity, I would like to believe, to empathize, console and coach those who experience the same situation as well as the lingering emotions afterward.

There was no "Hi" or "Hello" and I prefer leaving it at that. But as I end this day, I sincerely pray for him. I've come to realize that bullies also resort to such because of a poor environment growing up, and that they themselves come from a place of deep unhappiness.

I could have fought back then. I could have fought now. But I've learned to choose my battles. So this is the battle I now choose: I make the call to educators and parents --to make a firmer stand vs bullying. Teachers should not turn a blind eye nor give a deaf ear. And they must prevent the reinforcement of such unfortunate scenarios. I'm very thankful that my parents have always been supportive and equipped me with confidence and life skills. But I've heard of parents with kids who are bullied who instantly label their own as weak and just put the blame on them. That's not parenting. It doesn't "toughen" up kids. It just worsens matters -- and it erodes the delicate trust and faith they have in you.

I'm posting this to make a stand. And also to start the conversation that is often avoided. People who experience bullying are often pushed into a place of shame-- a place where they doubt their sense of worth, and belongingness. It can be a dark place, and many get trapped there because no one is helping out. I know we can all do better. Good night and peace to one and all. (Posted on September 28 at 10:44pm)
In any case, parents do play a big role in helping their kids come out of that "dark place" described by Ralph. It is vital to help bullying victims come out in order to start regaining their lost self confidence.

For the bullying survivors out there, do you have anything to suggest on how to heal oneself from the pains of the abuse?

Perhaps, answers on how to move on and recover from bullying?

Source: Facebook post of Ralph Guzman

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